My surgeon explaining the new Auxillary lymph node dissection findings

http://www.kpax.com/news/dr-brad-explaining-new-breast-cancer-study/ OK, one more tidbit here. I would have prefered a video, instead of a link- but I am too beat to figure out how at the moment. Of course I forgot to ask him on Monday, if he would have handled my nodes the same way a year and a half ago after this release.

What was I thinking?

So all in all, not doing so bad today. I don't have a lot of energy, I just want to veg. My hands are so dry, tender and sore. My right thumb is the most tender from chemo, and the nail looks funky. I took a big chunk out of it, while packing food processor blades- whoops, I forgot they were sharp and resided in  that  drawer. Didn't help matters any. My mucus membranes are calming down. New issue is my port scar. I started feeling slight pain yesterday or the day before. It looks dry, but infection is starting in the right corner. I clipped a piece of suture that was poking out a couple of weeks ago...no  skin, just suture. I can't imagine that would have caused an infection. All I know is it is red, tender and a hole where the suture was. I put some peroxide on it, & will keep neosporin on it. I'm not due back at hospital until the 23rd. So if it doesn't look better tomorrow, I will call doc. I have a feeling between immune system, stress and still smoking...this may need some antibiotics in me. It shouldn't look like this, so why?

OK, Tylenol, my cold tea and some tv, along with a visit with Mary Jane. Hope is snoring away next to me, so we are good to go!

Dried up mucus membranes

Oh yes, before I forget...my mucus membranes are messed up. They have been off for about a week, so after the first Docetaxol treatment. My nose feels some combination of- dry, stuffy, crusty, tight. Nothing to blow really, yet big chunks of dry boogies with blood mixed in. Ick, I know...be glad it's hopefully not your nose! At least it isn't bleeding, bleeding. I don't care for the digging around in my nose to get it out either. It's really annoying, and I'm sure eventually it will get raw and/or start bleeding.
 So I was wondering around lost in Safeway the other day, and I passed the pharmacy. There was no line, so I thought let's see what the pharmacist says. I asked her if she had something preferable to use, over hand lotion. She didn't appear to think that was the best solution! She came back with a tube of over the counter gel. A little.5 oz. tube called Ayr saline nasal gel, with aloe. It says, "Moisturizes & soothes dry, stuffy noses" Good for inside, and outside of nose- and it cost $4.50. Sounds worth a shot to me! She said she would have to order more now, and I think she had it behind the counter. All I know is, it was worth the money. I might not be impressed if it cost $30, as it isn't a miracle cure, but it does help.

So we are now into Monday night. It never did get very bad this time. It has been more of an emotional train wreck this time. I haven't been terribly flu like, just mild. I have been tired, but I can never tell how much is chemo and how much is stress. My nose is bothering me, my fingers are now tender/tight....and my throat feels mildly raw. I think that these are things that will probably stay with until done with this kind of chemo. Funny about the nose, but yet no sign of mouth sores? I would have guessed that they went hand in hand.

OK, Dear Ativan, please do a better job of keeping me asleep then you did the last 2 nights!

Yesterday's lab visit

OK, so I had my Friday labs yesterday, which includes the usual 5 vials of blood, urinalysis, and an EKG. Easy peasy, no biggie. I usually get to visit with my clinical research lady, H. So I got to pick her brain a bit more about what Doc said when I was in for chemo on Wed. I believe she said the chest mass has grown 2 cm since oncologist measured it last. I can't remember when that was, but I'm guessing about 6 weeks ago. She said the main concern is on the chest mass, but not out of fear of it growing into my bone. The fear is how fast it is growing again.
  So my understanding of the new game plan is this. I am scheduled for a CT scan at 8:30 on the day of my next scheduled chemo day. My oncologist will look at the scan after that, before we do chemo. If there is not some shrinkage going on it all, we will not be doing any more Docetaxol. If the decision is made to take me off it, I am ASSUMING that I will have a couple more weeks chemo free- to clear my system of the Docetaxol. (yippee, maybe enough time to get my pink ribbon tattooed!) H rattled of more chemos to try, but I can't remember what they are called. All I know is we are not out of options yet! How annoying is that going to be if I have to come off the Docetaxol, and onto a new chemo...that does not make me lose my hair? That would suck, but it's OK...just part of the deal.
 Oh yes, and btw....this is now 4 pm on Sat. Not feeling too shabby. Labs and grocery store yesterday. I started feeling a tinge of flu like, and took some Tylenol when I got home. Not feeling great, but definitely OK. I even ate pretty good last night too! Same thing with today. Got up early to knock out some book work while I still felt decent. I took some more Tylenol,, and a Zantac 150 and knocked out my bills. Still up on the couch blogging. Maybe the Tylenol is my secret weapon for this round.
  I haven't eaten at all today. Nothing sounding good, except my bacon and cheese omelet that I haven't made yet. I bought a bunch of veggies and Quinoa. I am going to go surf and find a recipe, so I can make a cold Quinoa salad for the fridge. That sounds, healthy, and not too heavy. Might serve me well for the next couple of days. Anybody got a good one?

It is good to be loved!

It is good to be loved! It's not the quantity, but once again...the quality that counts!



My birthday ended up all right. Still sad of course that hubby couldn't get it together to be with me, but I had 2 girlfriends that took shifts with me for dinner and drinks. My insurance agent, who lives across the street- showed up with a gift certificate for dinner. It was so sweet and thoughtful of him. So we had salad, a beautiful rib eye, with green beans...and some potato skins to start with. It was very yummy. Plus a couple of beers and some jager to back it up with! Just a couple, as I discovered early on...hang overs and chemo just don't mix well together. Chemo already feels bad enough!
  I am so excited! I have been wanting to tattoo my pink ribbon for over a year now, but timing was just never right. My GF got me a gift certificate to my other GF's shop she tattoos out of. Now I can get my ribbon on my neck!

Hopefully this is not my worst birthday ever!

I just want a nice peaceful birthday dinner, surrounded by the ones I love. My husband is still fighting me every step of the way. I have 2 good girlfriends that can't be in the same room together. I give! I can't make everyone else happy today. I sent a text out telling a few close people, where I have decided to go eat...by myself. If anyone else can get it together, I would love the company. I am so sad and scared that I am going to be alone, end up in tears and walk away from my dinner because I am so embarrassed over the tears. I would just stay home, but then I'll just be more miserable sitting here with my jack ass of a husband. What if this is my last birthday? How awful. I suppose I am having a bit of a pity party, but I will get over it after the day passes.

My radiation burn at it's worst

OK, Here ya go! This one is for Pink & Plaid Warrior!  I believe we took this 3 days after my final nuking. After you stop, it will still get worse before it gets better. How amazing is that it didn't hurt. It was disgusting, but just numb from surgery. That was definitely my silver lining with radiation last spring! Ladies, I can't emphasize enough about the creams, and having your nurses look at it often when it starts to get red. Try and get the same nurse every time when possible, so you will both be familiar with the site. Note- this may come in very handy for dealing with allergic reaction type issues at some point in time. Better to have the same eyes comparing things sometimes. Put a liberal amount on EVERY time you get dressed to leave. Put another coat on at home when you think about it. Your nurse will know when to switch your cream, as you get closer to the end and start to burn. These creams are the best thing to keep you from burning too bad, and then for healing. I'll be curious to see what Pink & Plaids Nurse replaces  the sulfa stuff with? I believe my liberal use, under my nurses eye- is what staved off the worst of the burning until the last week. It did not bubble till the last week. Only a couple broke before the end. Thank god  it didn't start weeping till I was done...and could weep  at home in peace! Jk- just kidding, hehe couldn't help myself tonight. Ativan says shut this puppy down! It was yucky for a few days, and most of it peeled by the end. I was quite happy to not wear a bra for a couple of weeks. Good night, want to get my book work done early tomorrow, so I can do b-day stuff later. Might not get much time on Friday before I start crashing! Ciao!

Round 2 of Docetaxol down

Well, down the hatch and feeling good, thanks to the steroids. My parents came to chemo today, along with 1 of my sisters and 2 gfs. I actually requested a private room today, as I knew I had company. It was a bad start to the day with my husband again, so he just dumped me off out front again. Thank gosh for my support crew, or I would have been a mess.

Today's battle-nothing like your husband canceling your surprise b-day party right in front of you. All because he didn't listen to what I originally wanted to do, and made his own plans for me. I would have rather done birthday party, but he blew a fuse without thinking it through. Made me feel so crappy. I am still just blown away by his behavior, yet I'm the one who makes him look like a chump, not! (I won't rehash the work and joy I got out of the surprise party for him)
  So anyways, chemo was fine, but not a great doctor's appointment. I was so glad my parents finally got to meet my oncologist. I think he liked my spreadsheet, as did H, my clinical research lady. He told me to start with Tylenol, to alleviate the flu symptoms. Try to save the pain pills for pain. Then he looked at the bad lymph node under the collar bone that we can now see. He wasn't impressed with that, and headed back for his calipers. I don't even think that he measured the node. I think he went straight for the chest mass. Before I thought his main concern was the multiple sternum nodes. Now I'm not so sure. The growth on that mass is what is concerning him, as the mass is still getting bigger. So my guess today is that he is concerned about that mass getting into my bone, because it is so close on my chest wall. I can't help but feel that he is getting more concerned then he is letting on, and my family felt the same. So, scheduled for 1 more dose in 3 weeks. If there is still no positive change after the 3rd dose, that will be the last Docetaxol, and we will try something different. We aren't out of options yet, this one may just not be good enough for my particular cancer. I'll be OK, but I am a little scared. Not even sure if scared is the right word, maybe just sad that maybe I don't have enough time to do the things I want to do.

We went for lunch at The Stone of Accord- great Irish food. Perfect light sandwich for after chemo. While we ate lunch, Hope proceeded to eat about a half pound of birthday fudge that I never even got a taste of! She hasn't puked yet!

Tried out Daria's advice tonight

I realized one of my scripts my Onc wrote last time was Ativan. I remember what Daria said it was best used with her for.....sleeping! I didn't realize that Ativan and Lorazapam were the same. I think I had Lorazapam last time, and gave them back to my Onc. I was confused...and kept the week ones for my purse stash. Anyway, took my 2 steroids today, will have some injected tomorrow, and 2 more pills on Thurs. Dariah said the steroids kept her up, and I think it does me too. I don't usually care, as I rather stay awake and feel good- before I don't in a couple of days. Chemo is first thing in the morning, and I won't be resting. I'll be visiting with Mom, Dad sister, Paula. Can't wait to take them to Stone of Accord for lunch tomorrow! So Ativan has been down the hatch for an hour and a half, and I have to keep cleaning up my talking, no typing. Nighty night!