Chemo fog, yes I remember now. I could live without what I am starting to call a chemo fog. I swear I don't remember much of my life during last of my Taxol treatments last spring. I remember how good I felt compared to the A/C treatments, and I have the tendency to forget the rest. I remember occasionally how crappy the side effects were, but mostly I remember feeling as if in a fog. Like I do now. The strange part is, I feel way better then a couple of weeks ago, overall. I think the fog is more related to just being tired. I do what I want or need to do, and not much else. Probably not getting out of my PJ's enough...is there a rule on that?
I was out in my pjs on Friday working. My GF came over and I helped her string up a dog run cable for Hope. Ms. Hope has still thinks she gets to go wherever she wants, and that doesn't work for me. I was outside in PJ's, sweatshirt and winter hat. It was beautiful out, and felt like spring. Got the cable up for Hope, and I spent another hour outside shoveling dog crap, ice and leaves. My back was not a happy camper by the time I was done, but the back deck was SOOOOO much better. We have a young puppy in the house that hasn't figured out what the patio is NOT for. So you see, I am trying to keep myself from total immersion into the fog! I do keep myself busy with light house cleaning as well.
PJ are comfy though! We are going to go for a walk today, so I will come out of pjs. I just do so much "lie downs" that pjs are comfy. As long as I can feel like I am contributing to the household- pjs are all right. I need to contribute, or I really won't feel right.
My, I feel like I am just a rambling mess right now. I feel guilty because I need to write, and sometimes I just don't feel like it. I don't even feel like what I am writing today makes much sense. I feel like I am shutting people out of my life, and putting myself into a self induced fog. I don't think that is really right, but then why do I feel that way? If I have to worry, then it is work. I just want to do what I want to do, and not worry. That doesn't work though, that is selfish. I feel like I am shutting my family out, and I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe it would be different if they lived here, and could just stop by whenever they wanted? Nobody wants to drive 3 hours to wonder if I will feel up for a visit, which I understand. It would probably feel easier for everybody all the way around if they could just drop by and see for themselves how things are. Am I being selfish with my family by insisting on staying in Missoula for the time being? I think staying put is the right thing for right now. I don't want to change doctor's, nor do I want to drive 5 hours round trip for appointments.
Yep, rambling...not convinced this is making me feel any better. I think some bacon & eggs, and a walk with Hope would be the best use of my day. So rambling that I haven't even said the BEST news! So I had dose # 2 on Wed. Doc says his calipers show a smidge of shrinkage. I don't think he would say that if he truly didn't believe. I felt it yesterday, and again just now. I made B feel it yesterday, and I will have her check again shortly. It is DEFINITELY smaller! Still there, but there is no doubt in my mind that it is smaller! Not just a smidge either, a noticeable difference. I'm pretty sure that you can probably even tell the difference by just looking at it, not just by feel. OK, I'm done for now. I don't want to waste the sunshine!
I was out in my pjs on Friday working. My GF came over and I helped her string up a dog run cable for Hope. Ms. Hope has still thinks she gets to go wherever she wants, and that doesn't work for me. I was outside in PJ's, sweatshirt and winter hat. It was beautiful out, and felt like spring. Got the cable up for Hope, and I spent another hour outside shoveling dog crap, ice and leaves. My back was not a happy camper by the time I was done, but the back deck was SOOOOO much better. We have a young puppy in the house that hasn't figured out what the patio is NOT for. So you see, I am trying to keep myself from total immersion into the fog! I do keep myself busy with light house cleaning as well.
PJ are comfy though! We are going to go for a walk today, so I will come out of pjs. I just do so much "lie downs" that pjs are comfy. As long as I can feel like I am contributing to the household- pjs are all right. I need to contribute, or I really won't feel right.
My, I feel like I am just a rambling mess right now. I feel guilty because I need to write, and sometimes I just don't feel like it. I don't even feel like what I am writing today makes much sense. I feel like I am shutting people out of my life, and putting myself into a self induced fog. I don't think that is really right, but then why do I feel that way? If I have to worry, then it is work. I just want to do what I want to do, and not worry. That doesn't work though, that is selfish. I feel like I am shutting my family out, and I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe it would be different if they lived here, and could just stop by whenever they wanted? Nobody wants to drive 3 hours to wonder if I will feel up for a visit, which I understand. It would probably feel easier for everybody all the way around if they could just drop by and see for themselves how things are. Am I being selfish with my family by insisting on staying in Missoula for the time being? I think staying put is the right thing for right now. I don't want to change doctor's, nor do I want to drive 5 hours round trip for appointments.
Yep, rambling...not convinced this is making me feel any better. I think some bacon & eggs, and a walk with Hope would be the best use of my day. So rambling that I haven't even said the BEST news! So I had dose # 2 on Wed. Doc says his calipers show a smidge of shrinkage. I don't think he would say that if he truly didn't believe. I felt it yesterday, and again just now. I made B feel it yesterday, and I will have her check again shortly. It is DEFINITELY smaller! Still there, but there is no doubt in my mind that it is smaller! Not just a smidge either, a noticeable difference. I'm pretty sure that you can probably even tell the difference by just looking at it, not just by feel. OK, I'm done for now. I don't want to waste the sunshine!
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