Monday, October 05, 2009 Last week's beauty class, and more!

1 week after surgery

Monday, October 05, 2009 Last week's beauty class, and more!



We talked about what we would like to see happen in this process. LA keeps thinking home will be good for us through the winter, so we are again talking about what makes the home more comfortable. I have had 3 different offers of places to go relax after chemo near the hospital. This is so kind and wonderful. Of course all I can think of right now, is how good home will sound. I have high hopes that it won't be so bad. I have heard stories of 4 days a week treatment. We are not looking at such a harsh schedule, and I don't know why. In my mind, my cancer must not be as bad as they are telling me if I don't have a harsh schedule. I would think because of my age and health, that they would want to stick it to me as my body can probably tolerate it a lot better then a 60 year old. Anyway, my hopes are that it is not too hard on me, of course. Hopefully I can continue though with my end of the business. Except for packing concrete. I just bought my way out of packing heavy concrete forever. Too much weight with my left arm is no longer an option, for the risk of lymphedema. So I want to keep working and doing my share. I hope I still feel like cooking and eating. I don't want my taste buds to get shot, as I love good food! Hopefully hubby doesn't have to cook much. I want us to stay strong and grow closer because of this. I want to not have to worry about us. I want to be able to focus on all the positives I can to take away from this.

The most important part to me is- I want to find my niche to help make this easier on someone else. How, I'm not quite sure yet. It could be a combination of things. I need to find out what the Missoula area needs, as our area is much smaller and may be lacking in things. I looked on the internet originally to find if there was a recycling center of sorts for post mastectomy clothing. I knew that I needed some clothes myself. I just wasn't sure what. I was quite dissapointed that I didn't find anything on the net, other then brand new expensive clothing. I didn't dig that hard, so there may be places out there. I thought that if I need this, I know there are women out there that need it way worse then I do. I was quite pleased to find that there are local places out there. Lots of people don't have insurance, so there has to be a way.

On Thursday, I found the American Cancer Society's wig room at St. Pat's. All free for the taking. All professionally cleaned...take what you want. I didn't find a wig I liked at that moment, but I did later that day. They also had all kinds of wonderful knitted caps in there from knotsoflove.org I took a cute Red & Gold one. From thre I went to a Look Good, Feel Better class. 3 other women were signed up, but it was just me that day. I was a bit dissappointed, as I was hoping there was someone else there that I might find a connection with. This class teaches women about skin care during treatment, and about wigs. I was feelng good that day, so I came dressed, with makeup and hair done already. We all laughed, as I had to be the model because no one else showed. I was a good sport. I had to sit at a table and take off all the makeup that I had just put on, with a clip screwing up my freshly done hair. Oh, well...I was being a good sport. They set me down with a wonderful cosmetic kit, for me to leave with. It was full of medium shades for me, donated from all kinds of different companies.. The Origins cleanser was the best. It cleansed well, but did not leave my face dry. It sounds like keeping moisturised will be very important during chemo. I had all sorts of extra throw away pads, mascara brushes etc to start with, so everything stays sanitary. Can't be getting germy, to easy for stuff to spread if my immune system gets weak! Now I found a bottle of Dove sensitive face lotion...fragrance and dye free of course!. There was also a small tube of Lindi face serum for wrinkles. We are all laughing, as the teachers are all professional cosmetologists volunteering their time. I know you are supposed to work your lotions in an upward motion when you apply it, from cosmetology school all those years ago....but that tip went out the door when I left the class. So it was like learning facial care all over again, as I was vowed to be a good sport/student. It was hard to not do my regular habits! Next I found 2 tubes of foundation. I got a Maybelline Mineral Powder foundation...which is great, but alas too dark at this time of year. I settled for a tiny tube of Clarins Matte Foundation instead. There was a fat under eye pencil from Physician's Formula, with a great sponge on the end. I found a great eyeliner pencil from Rimmel with a brush on the end. I have quite light sparse, eyebrows anyways, so I was quite tickled to know that I already had a pretty good idea of how to give myself some eyebrows. Ooh, more goodies! Now we were getting into stuff that I wouldn't by for myself. Here is a beautiful eyeshadow, blush lip gloss case from Chanel. Came with a velvet bag, and brushes. Too cool, now I just have to figure out how to use these colors. They are a bit more subtle then what I would normally choose, but this may be better if I have no facial hair as in brows, and eye lashes. I lined my eyes with a metallic black liner from Physician's Formula. Now we have a Chanel mascara to finish off my lashes with. I chose an additional blush by American Beauty, as it was more my normal shade. For powder I found a wonderful blue and gold jeweled pressed powder compact from Estee Lauder...never in a million years would I buy that for myself! Onto lips...choices, choices and more choices! Here I found a duel end lip liner from Merle Norman, a cool pump brush gloss from Chanel again, a silver shimmer gloss from Bobbi Brown, and my new favorite...a Roseapple Lipstick from Aveda. All this came in a red zippered bag, and sealed in plastic. It was such a wonderful experience, and a big shout out to all who donated. It was mostly more fun for me then learning, but I can imagine how many women out there don't know how to do these things for themselves...and how badly they may need this emotional lift up. I did however walk away with new knowledge. I sat down on Saturday and took off my acrylic nails. The girls said they had to go. Too easy for them to dry and crack, and bacterias to get in underneath. So my lovely claws are gone, but I told my nail gal that I'll see her again in the spring! We also talked about wigs. I know have a better use then dusting for my husband's cut off shirt sleeves. Sew the ends and they will keep my head warm, and will work great as a wig liner on a sensitive head. We did some turbans out of the shirt bottom as well. I got a little bit more comfortable with wigs, as my husband would love to see me as a red head! I am willing to try a fun wig, but not for $300. Gives me a chance to try out some new styles, now that I don't have to worry about messing up all that hair. I was still kinda sad that I didn't see a wig that I liked. The only one I did...looked green. Never fear though, Judy from American Cancer Society, had just emptied out the basket in the wig room for cleaning. She pulled out a cute bobbed thing with bangs. It was brown, but had all the pretty fun colors streaked in there with some reds and browns. I didn't try it on, so I hope it's the right size. Judy knows my number, so I will be awfully surprised if she doesn't call me to tell me it's cleaned...she saw my attention on this wig! I had a blast at the class, and it was a great time to network and see what is out there.

Next, I called Linda. I am ready to go shopping now. There is a mastectomy store called Re-Create at 116 South. Linda came and met me to see what they had. I knew I needed stuff, just not sure what so this store seemed like a good place to start. We were greeted by a lovely young lady named Leslie. I was a little unsure of here knowledge of my needs, because of her age. Those thoughts went quickly out of my mind. She did a great job at setting me at ease. We told her I was new and just not sure where to start. When she found out how fresh my scars were, she told me that put me in "leisure bras", or the camis I was wearing. I still didn't know what I wanted, and I wanted to spend the few bucks I had wisely. I didn't know if I was ready for a bra yet, or if I would ever get into my old bras again. The garments aren't cheap, and I didn't want to spend a lot on something that I might not have to wear for long. I'm getting bored with button up shirts not fitting right without a boob. I don't mind not having the boob, as it was poisoned and had to go. I however did want my clothes to fit right, and feel good of course. I had 1 post mastectomy camisole, with foam forms that I can step into. I knew that felt good, but didn't want to spend $40 bucks on an identical one. I also didn't care for the form it came with. The form is just filled with batting and had a dent in it. She showed us other forms. For $70 dollars, I could buy a foam shaped form, that I could make at home...$70! She also showed us $300 lifelike prosthetics, complete with nipple protrusion. Those were cool, but I didn't have that much $ to spend on something that I wasn't ready to wear yet. Frustrated as I wanted something, but didn't know what. Leslie brought us to her "gently used room". She asked if she could see my scar, so she would have a better idea of what we were after. She was on the right track, as the scar was as fresh as she thought. She said we could try stuff on, but not to wear it until the doctor said it was OK. So we found a black bra and a white bra, after she measured me. I guess I'm almost a D cup to my surprise. We picked out the right size of the $70 foam guy, and one of the $300 lifelike ones. Thank gosh for Linda's sharp eye, because I thought it was as good as it gets. Between her and Leslie, they got me fit...and stuff too! I quit feeling bad about somebody needing this stuff more then I when I saw how full her closet was...and she said most people have insurance to pay for this stuff. So I grabbed another cami to top it all off. Thank you Leslie for all your help at Re-create! I figure I walked out of there with over $500 worth of stuff for nothing. I can wear my new foam form, and not have it show through my cami. I have bras and a good form for when the doctor says it's time. I had a nice shopping trip and and girl time with my friend Linda...thanks for helping me get back to my new normal my friend!

OK, whew! Enough for now. I think I will head for the shower, so I can go neosporin my scar. It is important to me to try to share as much of this journey as possible...for my own therapy and others. I want to express the ups and downs. I want a place where I can be totally honest about whatever is going through my head. I am ready, at least as ready as one can be to wear these shoes!