Oncologists

Well, here I am waiting for it to be time to go get a PET scan. Not really thinking about the scan, as it will be what it will be. I can't change what it says. I am having a hard time putting things on hold for it as well. Can't stop living, I have a PET scan coming up. Regardless of what it says...I still have to keep going.

What I am worrying about however, is my doctor. This, I can control. I am suddenly dreading spending the rest of my life with him. I am still hurt over chemo last week. My fault I'm sure- for just being extra sensitive, but still. Did I over step my bounds? Are my expectations too high? Maybe, but I don't think so. Would I be upset if it happened to someone else, hell yes I would! I envision going to my appointment on Thursday. At this appointment Doc will tell me what he saw on PET scan, and give me his new recommendation of course of action. I see myself not even hearing what he has to say because I am still upset about the week before. Can I visualize it being repaired with him? Not really, I feel like I must just be expecting too much out of my doctor. That I was wrong for asking him how to get my needs met. I don't know, and there currently is not anyone in the cancer center that answers these questions. I also can't help but hear my dad's voice ringing in my ear as a child, "You're never going to get along with anyone acting like that"

I have got to get past this. At least enough to get my treatment. Treatment that I can get anywhere. I have medicaid now, so I am apparently not limited to where I go. There don't appear to be many choices of Oncologists in Missoula. So Oncologists now go on the list of factors in what I decide to do with my life.