I am in the chemo chair waiting to be hooked up. My doctor made me cry today, and I am so upset. He is always very kind and gentle. Today he was in a hurry, running behind and abrupt with me. He told me as much. I haven't seen him for 3 weeks. I haven't seen him in his office for months. So I have to spit out whatever is on my mind in the chemo chair. I knew I had questions for him regarding Patient Navigators, and resources on how I can get my needs met within the hospital. I didn't want to overload him, so I knew that that stuff could wait. He is the director of the cancer center. I really wanted to ask hm about my expectations for Hope in the cancer center, but I refrained.
What we did cover is yes, advanced, recurrent, and metastatic breast cancer is pretty much the same. I do have a copy of my pathology report. I didn't realise that it looks different then my surgery pathology report. So the mass on my chest is the same stuff as my original tumor. He said that we would get me scheduled for my PET scan today. He said his expectation of the PET scan was that we would be holding steady. He asked me how my mass was, and I said it wasn't going down anymore. That it felt like it did 2 weeks after surgery. NOW of course I think, hmmm, maybe that is where the conversation went south. I don't want there to have been an error made. However the more I feel like I am not getting a proper answer to what happened, the more I feel like the subject is a source of aggravation.
It went down hill from there. He can't write me a prescription on any of my vitamins so Medicaid will pay for them. The cancer center is in between social workers, and he cut me short as he didn't have time to get into the ins and outs of patient navigators and how we get our needs met. We'll have years to talk about that. He didn't have an answer for me when I asked him what happens when my counts aren't right because I couldn't buy the supplements that he told me to take. I'm sure the answer is just as simple as, if my counts aren't right...I don't get chemo. He just looked at me and said, I don't know what to tell you. I was obviously upset. I didn't expect him to coddle me, but I did expect some sort of direction from him. He is my doctor...where am I supposed to go for resources, if I don't know? I try really hard not to get offended too easy by others reactions. Cancer has taught me that we really have no clue what is going on in someone else's world, unless they allow us to see. I also know that I am extra sensitive to things right now. However, I am having a super hard time not being offended by his reaction today. I think I would be pissed for someone else if I overheard him speak to another patient that way.
What we did cover is yes, advanced, recurrent, and metastatic breast cancer is pretty much the same. I do have a copy of my pathology report. I didn't realise that it looks different then my surgery pathology report. So the mass on my chest is the same stuff as my original tumor. He said that we would get me scheduled for my PET scan today. He said his expectation of the PET scan was that we would be holding steady. He asked me how my mass was, and I said it wasn't going down anymore. That it felt like it did 2 weeks after surgery. NOW of course I think, hmmm, maybe that is where the conversation went south. I don't want there to have been an error made. However the more I feel like I am not getting a proper answer to what happened, the more I feel like the subject is a source of aggravation.
It went down hill from there. He can't write me a prescription on any of my vitamins so Medicaid will pay for them. The cancer center is in between social workers, and he cut me short as he didn't have time to get into the ins and outs of patient navigators and how we get our needs met. We'll have years to talk about that. He didn't have an answer for me when I asked him what happens when my counts aren't right because I couldn't buy the supplements that he told me to take. I'm sure the answer is just as simple as, if my counts aren't right...I don't get chemo. He just looked at me and said, I don't know what to tell you. I was obviously upset. I didn't expect him to coddle me, but I did expect some sort of direction from him. He is my doctor...where am I supposed to go for resources, if I don't know? I try really hard not to get offended too easy by others reactions. Cancer has taught me that we really have no clue what is going on in someone else's world, unless they allow us to see. I also know that I am extra sensitive to things right now. However, I am having a super hard time not being offended by his reaction today. I think I would be pissed for someone else if I overheard him speak to another patient that way.
No comments:
Post a Comment