Lotus Survival Foundation Mind, Body, Soul Retreat

Where to start? I don't even know, it was all so fabulous. This story starts back in the fall of 2010, when I decided to look up breast cancer retreats on the computer. I had done Casting for Recovery back in August, and it was amazing! I probably looked at 10 different ones, all over the country. I only emailed a couple of them, as it looked like I would not be able to qualify. I really didn't think I'd be able to qualify for Lotus Survival Foundation- Mind Body Soul retreat, but I wrote to them anyways. (Little did I know that I was the first applicant, and how excited they were to hear from me!) I was also quite surprised to hear back from Lulu Johnson another month or so down the road, asking me to submit financials and a doctor's note. It just seemed so very nice...and far away. How was I to get there, what about my chemo treatments and all the other things that could be going on in  my life in May. It has been really hard to see through the fog to plan anything! If it wasn't for Lulu's persistence in calling me to get my paperwork in order...I never would have made it. I think I was probably on my Docetaxol treatments when I started talking to Lulu. Those of you who have taken Docetaxol will understand the fog. I am so very grateful for Lulu's persistence, because I had no clue that my life would have spiralled that much more out of my control by the retreat in May. I was becoming a wreck, not so much due to the cancer, as it was because of things going on in my personal life. I believe I knew by February that I had been accepted to the program, and had received a complete grant to attend the retreat. Thank you so much again Claudia and Jose for all you have given to make this happen! I can never thank you enough, but I CAN promise to continue to pay it forward.
   May 22 finally arrived. My room mate and my dog dropped me off at the airport, and I was off and flying to Florida! I left my cell phone at home and panicked at the airport. Once I realized that it was going to have to be overnighted, I was OK. I made it to the right hotel at the Don Cesar Beach House Suites to join everyone else that was already there. I think I came the farthest distance to participate, and was the second to last to arrive. I couldn't believe my room when I opened the door! My very own room with 2 bathrooms, kitchenette, and a balcony facing the Gulf of Mexico. What am I going to do with 2 bathrooms? It was all so wonderful, but it just felt like too much. Really, all for me?

        Then it was off for hors d'oeuvres, and to meet the all the rest of the guests next to the pool. There were about 30 of us survivor  guests, plus another 20 volunteers, speakers, and caretakers- many survivors themselves. For me, it didn't take long for the silent tears to start falling. Those of you who know me, will know how eternally grateful I am for the things that people have done to help me through all of this. The tears mean many things, but mostly reflect how badly I want to pay it forward and do the same for others. It is frustrating, as I know that there are some things I need to get straight with myself, before I can be much good to others. This past week made me realise that I am already making a difference. We all enjoyed or welcome gathering, and then it was free time. I ended up going with Monica- my new sister survivor from CO, Lori Ovitz of Facing the Mirror with Cancer, and Susan McHugh of Pink Ribbon Associates for a bite to eat. Lori is a professional makeup artist that came to do make overs, and Susan is a survivor/cancer coach along with her gift website. So off to the The Sloppy Pelican we went. We had a fabulous time with food and beverages, whilst getting to know each other. For me personally, I do better in smaller groups. I have the tendency to let everyone else talk in bigger groups, so this was perfect. We weren't the only ones who had this idea, as we were surprised to see another group when we went out onto the deck. Great minds think alike! I think the rest of the evening was spent with a walk on the beach. The temperature was perfect, and the water warm. Just don't forget to "shuffle" your feet in the water as it was stingray season. I don't think I turned out the lights before 2am any night I was here. I can sleep when I get home. I was much more interested in visiting with everyone else on our balconies at night!
  So needless to say, I was half an hour late for Laughing yoga with Aubrey. However, I did make it and it was wonderful. Aubrey- I loved the yoga and I truly did make an effort to join the fun! For me, the connections that I was making on the balconies at night was more important for me. Especially to hear how people were learning how to make a difference and pay it forward. And you were one of those people, I just didn't get to hang out with you on a balcony. To hear it told how you changed since your treatment is amazing. I could never imagine you so quiet and shy...you truly are a lotus! I truly should have blogged through out this, so I could give my readers a play by play, but it was just not meant to be I guess. Me feeling and absorbing everything in the here and now was much more important for me.

Fast forward to a week later- I really should have made time to blog through out the retreat. I don't want to forget the wonderful people I met, and all the wonderful speakers. I really should be winding down for the night, but I really want to get this blog published. I'm afraid if I wait 1 more day, chemo brain will come and wipe it away! Good thing I still have my retreat schedule so I can run through it. It does not mean that the rest of the retreat was any less worthwhile, just means that I am tired. It will all get lost somewhere in my brain if I wait another few more days to get it out, and we can't have that!

So after Laughing Yoga on Day 2, we moved on to Susan McHugh, who is a cancer coach amongst all her many talents. After lunch, we got to meet with Areanne Breedlove. She is a CPA, with a lot of good advice regarding financial issues relating to cancer. Sorry Areanne, I can't find a website for you! Next up was Lori Ovitz for makeovers! I got to be her demonstration model. I have some really good eyebrows (lack of) going on right now, so I was the perfect model for her eyebrow technique.

Day 3, let's see. Susan McHugh spoke again regarding sexuality and dating issues. This one was a lot of fun, especially when Aubrey brought in some affirmation cards. We all had to read one, ending it with "in the bedroom" Next up was Xiomora Boyce, who dips her toes in just a little bit of everything...including comedy. Let me tell you, this lady is amazing and hilarious! I can't even remember how much we actually talked about the side effects of treatment as we were supposed to. I just loved to hear her tell her story, and soak in her positive energy. Tania Fabela, I did not catch anything about nutrition. I know, I'm a rebel! I chose instead to go upstairs to Lori Ovitz's room, to assist her with makeovers. It was a madhouse up there, and she busted out somewhere around 7 makeovers in about 3 hours. My absolute favorite part is trying to capture the looks on my new sister's faces when she gave them the mirror to see! We got done just in time to go join the rest of the crew at Gigis's Italian Restaurant. I got to sit at the "Captain's table", which was wonderful. This was the first time that I had gotten to sit down with Claudia and Jose. I can be a little bit shy at times, and this was a wonderful opportunity to find out a little bit more about the Lotus Survival Foundation. I could hear the joy and excitement in her voice when she told me that I was their very first applicant. Claudia, I am so happy  to have been able to make this dream a reality for you! You are an amazing woman. Afterwards, a little shopping at Walgreens, sunset on the beach and  and a birthday drink with my new sister Monica at the bar on the beach. I'm pretty sure I was going to bed early this night, and still ended up on a balcony with amazing women.

Day 4- Well I made it to the beach at 7 for yoga. I only made it about 15 minutes, and got overcome with frustration. I went back to bed. I just felt funny and icky. I went down for breakfast, and just was not my normal, cheerful self. Amy Sear was on deck for Asian Secrets of Self-Healing. A  lot of what she said really rang home. Things that somehow you know, yet don't choose to put it into action. I was just a mess listening, as so much hit home. And I still felt icky. I finally realized that I had picked up on some negative energy the night before, and it was awful. I'm sure we do this all the time, but I have never been in such a peaceful place to have it come crashing in so rudely. Aubrey came over and did some Reikki on me. I'd never had it done before. It was amazing, whatever she did! I'm not usually so easy to let someone I barely know so close. However, I was very receptive to try out what she had to offer. When I thought she was done, I just kind of melted into her chest. She wasn't done, and continued to work on me. I melted, and cried and just let the bad stuff flow out of me somewhere. I felt SO much better after she was done. No more ickies, and I truly did feel revitalized. I think I need to know more about Reikki for myself, and what a wonderful gift t give to others! Next up was Scott Phillips, who is a patient navigator at Heritage hospital. I have a breast care coordinator at the Montana Cancer Center, but no patient navigator that I am aware of. We need one! They really sound like the go to person when dealing with cancer. They fall into the niche that our doctor's don't. I don't know that I have the drive to be one, but I can see it seems to be greatly lacking in my cancer center. Something for me to chew on as I try to figure out where my new niche is. We had a wonderful farewell dinner, and afterward we did a moon walk on the beach. We had "in memory of" candles, and popped "negative stuff" balloons. Here are all are electric candles in the sand. It was pretty cool looking. Up next, more visiting for the evening. By now I'm thinking just not enough time. I sat with some amazing women again, and I only wish I had more time to get to know everyone, and hear their stories!

Day 5- OK, not ready to go home, but I do miss my Hope! I did pretty good about not missing her until it was close to time to go home. The group started thinning out fast in the morning. Shuttles started leaving at 10am to get people back to trains and planes. My shuttle was the last to leave at 1, so I got to stay for the Q&A session. We also had 1 more surprise guest speaker. Jennifer Allen with Skin Wisdom drove up the night before to share her amazing product with us. She left us with samples of her product, and I can't wait to pass it on to a new person starting radiation. It sounds like an amazing product to lesson the damage/speed up recovery from radiation burns. I want to pass on my bottles to my Radiology Oncologist, as I probably will not be doing radiation again. Knocking on nightstand, as every time I think I know what will happen with this disease- it proves me wrong!

OK, there I did it! I think I remembered everything, thanks to having my retreat schedule still. Oh, I know who I forgot. I can't link to it, nor can I remember the name of the program. We call it Fit to Fight here. I think they might work at the University of North Carolina? This crew is made up of physical therapists, and it sounds like they have a wonderful PT program as part of this cancer center, and it is free. If we had a free one here, I would participate in it. Our program here is only for 8 weeks. I haven't signed up yet, as I have it in my head that I will get kicked out if I miss too many sessions. So I want to make sure I can make it to all the classes before I commit. Soon, my fog is clearing!

So yes, I made it home after an amazing retreat. I felt so good, and so alright with my disease down there. I kept saying that I could think of much worse shoes to be in. I won't forget standing in the Gulf of Mexico at 4:30 on Wed, and hollering to all who would listen...I'd much rather be here then the chemo chair I should just be climbing out of right now! I know I am a compassionate person, but cancer has truly shown me this side of me. For me, listening to everyone else's story, makes mine much easier. I am so blessed to have led such an amazing life. By blessed I mean, lots of other people don't have the strength to walk through all that I have. It hasn't always been easy, nor very pleasant...but it is the dish I was served. I accept it in what I always hope is a gracious manner. I wouldn't change it for anything. A few things I might have done differently, but I can still walk with my head held high. Life is good, even in the face of adversity!