Ok that was yesterday and the day before. I still feel great, just have calmed down a notch is all. Which is good...maybe the roller coaster will mellow out until we start again next week. I remember Mondays on day 8 from my original treatment, I was always full of P&V, as I like to call it. I don't recall if I blogged about my spring ride last April, on one of those Mondays. I can still remember how good me and my ride felt that day!
Yeppers, feeling good! Only still in bed so I can blog without distractions. I rocked yesterday. Pretty sad that I didn't really do that much, but it felt huge to me. Rinsed all the mud off the truck, washed all the inside windows in the truck, out in the shop for a few, out looking at critter stuff in the orchard, worked with Hope in the yard for a few, scrubbed out some sinks and toilets good, made Chicken Parmesan AND visited with friends for a couple hours while cooking. Yikes, that really isn't very much at all for me. Sure seemed like a lot at the time, and I was ready for bed when it was time. If I don't decide to go into Missoula today, I need to get out with Hope some more. Maybe we'll go walk the Buddha garden today, or down to my gf's house. Not terribly far, but enough to feel like Hope and I got some sunshine and exercise.
So I copied Daria, and made myself a spreadsheet to for my side effects. I have put a lot of thought into what Daria said in her blogs. This really is so different feeling then the first time around. Before, we geared every thought to standard bc treatment, and this will get rid of it. Well it didn't, so I guess all thoughts of "standard" treatment go out the window. Yes, I know the routine and the basics of how it works, and what to expect....the basics. This time we don't know how many treatments we will do of the Docetaxol. I would probably have blown off tracking side effects again. Given what Daria wrote in her blog, I'm not so sure that is a good idea. I don't think my oncologist will keep me on Docetaxol as long as Daria's did. The one thing I have learned though, is I don't care how "not new" at this I am now, I still don't know the answers. Every time I guess something and think I have it figured out, doc tells me a different treatment so.....we shall see what really happens! So, since I really don't know how Docetaxol will turn out, maybe I better track it. Especially in case it is longer then I think. I already suspect it will be harder then I think. What Daria wrote about quality of life when doc wanted to lower her dose, made a lot of sense. The spreadsheet will help make those decisions a lot clearer, I'm thinking.
I don't think I really was completely honest about how I felt last week. I think I spent 4 days in bed, Fri. through Monday. Monday was more lazy then feeling bad I think. I didn't feel like I was dying by any means, just not great. Just minor flu like symptoms. More irritating then anything, because it doesn't go away. I have an Oxycodone 5mg script, that was for after surgery for my port. I have discovered that that helps with the flu symptoms. I don't really like that idea, as that is not what they were prescribed for. I don't want to get dependent on pills. Bed is great because it is quiet. I get chills very easily when it is like this. Propped up in bed on a heating pad, with a cup of tea and my medicinal herb is the best place to be. So far I don't ache bad, so I don't need my maryjane for pain. It does help stimulate my appetite, it does help me sleep, but most importantly it helps me relax. It truly takes the edge off the whole situation, and that is what works for me.
I really was surprised that it hit me as hard as it did for the first treatment. I really wasn't expecting to spend 4 days in bed right off the bat. This is the part that is concerning me, really concerning me. I am a little scared that this will be much harder then I am expecting, given the reaction to the first round. My clinical research lady, H. says that Docetaxol is a bit stronger then Taxol. She says they prefer to try Taxol first, as the side effects aren't as harsh. Great, but that's OK...I can do it.
I can do anything I want, just take away the worry please! I am a worry wart anyways. Don't know if I was born that way, or if my life made me that way. All I know is I have been a worrier since very young. I would love to spend the rest of my life not worrying. I know that is a lot to ask for, but I don't think it is too much. I prefer not to use the word deserve, to me that sounds like I am better then someone else. I also don't believe I am ever destined for a "normal" life, but as close as possible would sure be nice! I just want to retain some sense of normalcy, and not feel so frustrated, and to not worry. The only way I know how to do that, is to do it all by myself. That way I don't have to worry about depending on somebody else and getting frustrated because somebody else isn't following through with what I need. Plus, there would be nobody else in my ear telling me all I worry about is myself too! I am not wrong for worrying about myself right now.
OK, I'm feeling a bit of chemo brain. It started popping back up immediately back up immediately this time it would seem. I wanted to blog my day so bad yesterday, so I wouldn't forget. I was just too tired so I refrained from it. Now I'm kicking my butt, because I'm sure I forgot half of what I wanted to write, and rambled on somewhere else. I do have 1 parting thought though. H and doc say side effects are cumulitive, which I do believe. So we had a 3 week break between the pill and the injection start date. I still say I am surprised at how hard this hit me. What does this tell me? This makes me think 2 things. 1- that I am not as healthy as when we first started this in 8/09 with my original diagnosis, so maybe my body is not tolerating my chemo quite as well. 2- is this. I used to do a lot of meth in my 20's. I remember quitting for a couple of years, then starting again. I realised within a couple of months that I needed to stop. It took me years to build up what I call meth ticks. (Weird little habits that one consciously or unconsciously does when on drugs) When I went back to it, all those ticks came right back, like they'd never even been gone. So, I'm wondering if it is possible that side effects can come back that much faster, because your body is already aware of these side effects. Can anybody else out there vouch for this thought?
OK, Happy Friday all! I am off, or I will not get that Vitamin D I need!
Yeppers, feeling good! Only still in bed so I can blog without distractions. I rocked yesterday. Pretty sad that I didn't really do that much, but it felt huge to me. Rinsed all the mud off the truck, washed all the inside windows in the truck, out in the shop for a few, out looking at critter stuff in the orchard, worked with Hope in the yard for a few, scrubbed out some sinks and toilets good, made Chicken Parmesan AND visited with friends for a couple hours while cooking. Yikes, that really isn't very much at all for me. Sure seemed like a lot at the time, and I was ready for bed when it was time. If I don't decide to go into Missoula today, I need to get out with Hope some more. Maybe we'll go walk the Buddha garden today, or down to my gf's house. Not terribly far, but enough to feel like Hope and I got some sunshine and exercise.
So I copied Daria, and made myself a spreadsheet to for my side effects. I have put a lot of thought into what Daria said in her blogs. This really is so different feeling then the first time around. Before, we geared every thought to standard bc treatment, and this will get rid of it. Well it didn't, so I guess all thoughts of "standard" treatment go out the window. Yes, I know the routine and the basics of how it works, and what to expect....the basics. This time we don't know how many treatments we will do of the Docetaxol. I would probably have blown off tracking side effects again. Given what Daria wrote in her blog, I'm not so sure that is a good idea. I don't think my oncologist will keep me on Docetaxol as long as Daria's did. The one thing I have learned though, is I don't care how "not new" at this I am now, I still don't know the answers. Every time I guess something and think I have it figured out, doc tells me a different treatment so.....we shall see what really happens! So, since I really don't know how Docetaxol will turn out, maybe I better track it. Especially in case it is longer then I think. I already suspect it will be harder then I think. What Daria wrote about quality of life when doc wanted to lower her dose, made a lot of sense. The spreadsheet will help make those decisions a lot clearer, I'm thinking.
I don't think I really was completely honest about how I felt last week. I think I spent 4 days in bed, Fri. through Monday. Monday was more lazy then feeling bad I think. I didn't feel like I was dying by any means, just not great. Just minor flu like symptoms. More irritating then anything, because it doesn't go away. I have an Oxycodone 5mg script, that was for after surgery for my port. I have discovered that that helps with the flu symptoms. I don't really like that idea, as that is not what they were prescribed for. I don't want to get dependent on pills. Bed is great because it is quiet. I get chills very easily when it is like this. Propped up in bed on a heating pad, with a cup of tea and my medicinal herb is the best place to be. So far I don't ache bad, so I don't need my maryjane for pain. It does help stimulate my appetite, it does help me sleep, but most importantly it helps me relax. It truly takes the edge off the whole situation, and that is what works for me.
I really was surprised that it hit me as hard as it did for the first treatment. I really wasn't expecting to spend 4 days in bed right off the bat. This is the part that is concerning me, really concerning me. I am a little scared that this will be much harder then I am expecting, given the reaction to the first round. My clinical research lady, H. says that Docetaxol is a bit stronger then Taxol. She says they prefer to try Taxol first, as the side effects aren't as harsh. Great, but that's OK...I can do it.
I can do anything I want, just take away the worry please! I am a worry wart anyways. Don't know if I was born that way, or if my life made me that way. All I know is I have been a worrier since very young. I would love to spend the rest of my life not worrying. I know that is a lot to ask for, but I don't think it is too much. I prefer not to use the word deserve, to me that sounds like I am better then someone else. I also don't believe I am ever destined for a "normal" life, but as close as possible would sure be nice! I just want to retain some sense of normalcy, and not feel so frustrated, and to not worry. The only way I know how to do that, is to do it all by myself. That way I don't have to worry about depending on somebody else and getting frustrated because somebody else isn't following through with what I need. Plus, there would be nobody else in my ear telling me all I worry about is myself too! I am not wrong for worrying about myself right now.
OK, I'm feeling a bit of chemo brain. It started popping back up immediately back up immediately this time it would seem. I wanted to blog my day so bad yesterday, so I wouldn't forget. I was just too tired so I refrained from it. Now I'm kicking my butt, because I'm sure I forgot half of what I wanted to write, and rambled on somewhere else. I do have 1 parting thought though. H and doc say side effects are cumulitive, which I do believe. So we had a 3 week break between the pill and the injection start date. I still say I am surprised at how hard this hit me. What does this tell me? This makes me think 2 things. 1- that I am not as healthy as when we first started this in 8/09 with my original diagnosis, so maybe my body is not tolerating my chemo quite as well. 2- is this. I used to do a lot of meth in my 20's. I remember quitting for a couple of years, then starting again. I realised within a couple of months that I needed to stop. It took me years to build up what I call meth ticks. (Weird little habits that one consciously or unconsciously does when on drugs) When I went back to it, all those ticks came right back, like they'd never even been gone. So, I'm wondering if it is possible that side effects can come back that much faster, because your body is already aware of these side effects. Can anybody else out there vouch for this thought?
OK, Happy Friday all! I am off, or I will not get that Vitamin D I need!
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