Who needs hair anyways?

Well, it looks like I am going back in the chair for the second winter in a row :( My 6 week check up was last Thursday. Last weekend I felt my lymph node. This time it was easier to find, though I was hoping it was my imagination. Doc said the same thing, PLUS now the mass is .05 cm bigger when he measured it. We were laughing because I was amazed at how much trust he puts in his calipers. Just seems like it would be hard to be accurate. He said if it was something like .03- he wouldn't worry about it. .05 is pretty good difference when it comes to tumors.
  So he immediately took me off the Zeloda, as it obviously isn't working anymore. He wants me to participate in a trial study. He thinks I need to go back in the chair. He had me meet with the clinical research lady before I left. She talked with me for awhile, and left me with a sheaf of papers to study. My gut instinct is go for it. She told me to study up and call her with any questions, and when I have made up my mind. I'm 99.9% made up.
  The jist of the study is this. He wants to put me on Docetaxol anyways, which is FDA approved chemotherapy. The study would be randomly selected to do Docetaxol alone, or in combination with this YZwhatever drug. The side effects of the Docetaxol look like a combination of the 2 different rounds I did before. Meaning nausea plus mouth sores plus achy joints plus low blood counts plus tired plus hair loss. The study drug alone doesn't seem to have as many side effects, but it has also only been tested on less then 200 people. The combined study side effects don't really look any worse then what he wants to give me anyways. Yes, it probably won't be very pleasant. If I win the study drug lotto- that means a chemo pump for a week on, in addition to a injection in the chair- for whatever length of time is determined. They have to put a port back in, ugh. I oughtta be a pro at it by now though- it's old hat! I can back out at anytime that it seems too much. Theoretically, it shouldn't cost me more money.
  The silver lining is that they will run tons of tests on me. More to make sure that my organs are healthy enough to tolerate treatment, and a much monitoring through out. I think they will see me more often then last time. They will watch me very close, so we will have a better picture of what is going on with me. What's the worse that can happen...it doesn't work again? The second best that can happen is I can help the future, by being a guinea pig. This stuff can't get approved without human patients. So if this gives me a chance to make a difference for someone else down the road- I am all for it. So I guess it is a good thing that I haven't gone out and spent a fortune on my hair!
  So I will think on this for a couple more days, but I believe the answer is yes. Get past the New Year, and off we go again. I can do this, but yes it is getting scarier the longer this goes on. I thought it would go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about this again for years to come. My other experiences with Stage 4 cancer haven't been so hot. I know I am not those people, but then that makes it sound like I am something special. Cancer doesn't care who you are or how special you are. The people you choose to surround yourself with can sure make up for that though!