Let's get it on... again!

OK, doc's office called today. I am scheduled for the chemo chair again on the 12th. It may last up to 6 months this time- until it shrinks, or we burn this kind out. I go into day surgery on Monday to get my friend the port back in, and a CAT scan on Wed. Here we go again, let's get it on! If I win the lotto on the study drug, I will have a new friend...a pump on for a week at a time. Chemo nurse has to hook and unhook. Good thing it has a purse, and hopefully a couple feet of line so I can toss it on the nightstand when I sleep, or over the shower bar when I shower! It is what it is.
   Boy, it is what it is is sure painful sometimes. I have lost too many great people to the big "C" in the last two years. I just lost 1 friend a week ago, after being sent home 6 weeks prior. Pancreatic cancer, spread to the liver. I was so glad to be able to be part of his life as he went through this. I will never forget the courage in his voice 2 days before he passed. His experimental drug did not work. Another friend, same kind- only diagnosed a couple of months ago, sent home the week before Christmas. Today I got a call from the Chaplain who married me. 3 year battle with throat cancer, gone and back again. I knew he had been near the radiation department a couple of months ago, and I suppose I kind of shoved the reason why to the back of my head. We have played phone/text tag since then. I am kicking myself for being too wrapped up in my own drama/bs to make a better effort then that. Anyway- it's back...and he has been sent home too. He figures he's got about a month left by the doctor's count. His spirits were strong with his face, but talking on the phone sounded painful. He said he wanted a party, so I have been making calls to see if we can't find a way to make some sort of party happen for him. He also told me he'd save me a seat at the table when I am ready! Thank god I do have another dear friend who has been battling prostrate cancer for 2 years. His second round of treatments, and that worries me. The small blessing is it is prostrate. I think that he has better odds with that kind.
  Chaplain and I were discussing how we both feel it is a blessing...in disguise of course! We both feel that if nothing else, we want to be able to find good out of this and help someone else down this road. All that we endure helps each and every doctor, even if it is a small way. We truly are guinea pigs in this battle. Hopefully every person that we meet will be touched by our experiences, and hopefully this will stick with people and make a difference somewhere down the road. To me, this gift is the biggest blessing of all. I also love how much this has opened my eyes to cancer. I was so naive before. Now I can talk to my friends that are dying, and feel comfortable with this- even if such a sad conversation. I wouldn't have known how to share my feelings before. Now we have this special bond...I can say and ask things that I never could before...and actually understand and emphasize with them. I always could before, but not like this. Somehow it doesn't feel rude or tactless, because I can truly understand now. I will take my lessons where I can get them...and with gratitude. Yes it sucks that I had to get cancer to learn it, but that's OK...it makes my knowledge that much more powerful. One has to try to find good in everything, or the bad will win!