Thursday, September 07, 2006 Just letting it all hang out...an update

Thursday, September 07, 2006 Just letting it all hang out...an update


Current mood: contemplative

Well, well ,well...here I go again! Another turn of the page in my life. Been a lot of those this year...must be a good year for personal growth. I've decided that I want to take another stab at modeling...this time on my terms. I'm not looking to quit the day job I love so, I can do what ever the hell I want!



I have also been going to AA meetings. It's a personal issue that I've been dealing with for about 5 byears now. I love riding my harley more than anything else, and I want to be able to continue that.



Alcohol has always been my social friend since I discovered it at about 16. I had no people skills what so ever. I learned that I could make friends, be the life of the party, and not be so self-conscious of my lack of social skills. It was a great cover up for years. No one knew the pain of not being able to think of a damn thing to say when I was sober, or that I was so tongue tied when I wanted to talk to an interesting male. I bartended for many years, and that was about the only time that I could really be myself around strangers sober. The bar was my secure place, and I put on the show.



But now it doesn't work for me, because I don't want to be 60 years old, with no life but the bar. It's not so cute at my age to not remember the brainless things I did the night before. I was drunk as an excuse, does not fly much anymore in my book. Plus...I get hangovers now! I got lucky -as in I never got a DUI, or in trouble. With the laws the way they are...your odds get slimmer and slimmer the more you continue to drive over the legal limit. I don't want alcohol to have such a hold on my life. If it wasn't for the social factor, maybe I would have a bettter grip on it...but it's not a chance I'm willing to take. I want to learn how to live life on my terms, not an addiction's.



So there you have it! I'm looking for people that ride like hell, and have similiar interests as I. I want to learn how to be the life of the party that I am so good at being...but to figure out how to do it sober. Thanks for reading!