Saturday, September 30, 2006 Bars, and the new me

Saturday, September 30, 2006 Bars, and the new me


Current mood: contemplative

A very dear friend of mine came over from the otherside of the mountains to visit me this week. He found his way to Cruiser's at Stateline, while I was at work. He told the bar owner that he wanted to come back and check out Taco Thursday (Bike night, for those not in the loop), but that he was visiting a friend who didn't drink. He didn't know how I would feel about that. He told me this and I was almost offended.



He should know me better than that after all this time. Bars were my living, and my life for many years. Everybody knew me, and I was the shit. In the bar I could be myself, with no worries. I was in my element, and relaxed because I made the rules...I was in control. I don't like to relinquish control very well, which is something I am trying to learn.



I choose to no longer work in bars, because it was no longer good for me, and I have a future to think about. I choose to no longer drink, because I have had enough to drink. I don't spend no where near as much time in bars as I used to, because it got old, expensive, boring...and there are other roads I want to travel.



I will still go to bars, because they are fun when I'm in the right mood. I love to go into bars when traveling in particular, because I love to hang out with the natives. I love to meet people, and hear a little of what they are about. When I've had enough...I can continue along my way. I don't ever want to lose the fun Charmine. I just want to learn how to be myself without alcohol. To not be so self-conscience, to not worry about being rejected by other people...to be able to talk to people and be comfortable sober.