Team Up Montana 2010, Grizz game

Thank you MB for passing this on! This truly was an honor to participate in the human pink ribbon, and especially to do it next to my Mom! It was a very good day! Enjoy!

Port back in

OK, so my port is back in, so I can just get past THAT disappointment now. I went ahead and let my hubby take me in to the appointment. It is so much easier to just let him take care of me. We had a good day yesterday. He just wants me to let him take care of me. I can't tell if it just for temporary, or forever. To me it just sounds like he wants me to let him take care of me, like he feels responsible for me. That's kind, but then where am I left later? He told me he has been writing on the computer, which is good. BUT, it all sounds like all our vicious circle conversations. Everybody he talks to only knows one side, so of course I am wrong. No personal responsibilty of course.
  Today I went to sit with him, to tell  him I was thinking about throwing in the towel on everything. To stay with him. Of course I still needed to know how I would know that this wouldn't happen again. That let to a broken keyboard. Now I fixed that, so now I need to worry about myself. WTF does that mean? And once again if he can't control his temper, how can I stay. I sure wish the attorney would call back- preferrably when I have no ears!

Melting down again!

I just want to scream and freak out, but what good does that do? There has got to be somebody out there that can help me weed through this crap and help make the right decisions. I'm just drained and tapped out. I'm getting scared, not sure of what though...losing my mind? All I know is I am so thankful for my dog right now, because she is probably about the only thing keeping me together right now. I can't just sit and do nothing, and I don't know what else I can do to help myself today. Doing nothing will be the fastest means to the end. I think this may be the closest I have been to a pity party, but I'm really not feeling sorry for myself...just lost and more lost again.