Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Oh, but I forgot the best news!
When I walked into my doctor's appointment last week, they charged me $4! Hip hip hooray! My medicaid finally kicked in. I'm not used to forking over ANY money, but then I get a huge bill in the mail. My surgeon and the chemo part of the cancer center don't take payment plans, so you can guess where that bill ended up :(
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Who needs hair anyways?
Well, it looks like I am going back in the chair for the second winter in a row :( My 6 week check up was last Thursday. Last weekend I felt my lymph node. This time it was easier to find, though I was hoping it was my imagination. Doc said the same thing, PLUS now the mass is .05 cm bigger when he measured it. We were laughing because I was amazed at how much trust he puts in his calipers. Just seems like it would be hard to be accurate. He said if it was something like .03- he wouldn't worry about it. .05 is pretty good difference when it comes to tumors.
So he immediately took me off the Zeloda, as it obviously isn't working anymore. He wants me to participate in a trial study. He thinks I need to go back in the chair. He had me meet with the clinical research lady before I left. She talked with me for awhile, and left me with a sheaf of papers to study. My gut instinct is go for it. She told me to study up and call her with any questions, and when I have made up my mind. I'm 99.9% made up.
The jist of the study is this. He wants to put me on Docetaxol anyways, which is FDA approved chemotherapy. The study would be randomly selected to do Docetaxol alone, or in combination with this YZwhatever drug. The side effects of the Docetaxol look like a combination of the 2 different rounds I did before. Meaning nausea plus mouth sores plus achy joints plus low blood counts plus tired plus hair loss. The study drug alone doesn't seem to have as many side effects, but it has also only been tested on less then 200 people. The combined study side effects don't really look any worse then what he wants to give me anyways. Yes, it probably won't be very pleasant. If I win the study drug lotto- that means a chemo pump for a week on, in addition to a injection in the chair- for whatever length of time is determined. They have to put a port back in, ugh. I oughtta be a pro at it by now though- it's old hat! I can back out at anytime that it seems too much. Theoretically, it shouldn't cost me more money.
The silver lining is that they will run tons of tests on me. More to make sure that my organs are healthy enough to tolerate treatment, and a much monitoring through out. I think they will see me more often then last time. They will watch me very close, so we will have a better picture of what is going on with me. What's the worse that can happen...it doesn't work again? The second best that can happen is I can help the future, by being a guinea pig. This stuff can't get approved without human patients. So if this gives me a chance to make a difference for someone else down the road- I am all for it. So I guess it is a good thing that I haven't gone out and spent a fortune on my hair!
So I will think on this for a couple more days, but I believe the answer is yes. Get past the New Year, and off we go again. I can do this, but yes it is getting scarier the longer this goes on. I thought it would go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about this again for years to come. My other experiences with Stage 4 cancer haven't been so hot. I know I am not those people, but then that makes it sound like I am something special. Cancer doesn't care who you are or how special you are. The people you choose to surround yourself with can sure make up for that though!
So he immediately took me off the Zeloda, as it obviously isn't working anymore. He wants me to participate in a trial study. He thinks I need to go back in the chair. He had me meet with the clinical research lady before I left. She talked with me for awhile, and left me with a sheaf of papers to study. My gut instinct is go for it. She told me to study up and call her with any questions, and when I have made up my mind. I'm 99.9% made up.
The jist of the study is this. He wants to put me on Docetaxol anyways, which is FDA approved chemotherapy. The study would be randomly selected to do Docetaxol alone, or in combination with this YZwhatever drug. The side effects of the Docetaxol look like a combination of the 2 different rounds I did before. Meaning nausea plus mouth sores plus achy joints plus low blood counts plus tired plus hair loss. The study drug alone doesn't seem to have as many side effects, but it has also only been tested on less then 200 people. The combined study side effects don't really look any worse then what he wants to give me anyways. Yes, it probably won't be very pleasant. If I win the study drug lotto- that means a chemo pump for a week on, in addition to a injection in the chair- for whatever length of time is determined. They have to put a port back in, ugh. I oughtta be a pro at it by now though- it's old hat! I can back out at anytime that it seems too much. Theoretically, it shouldn't cost me more money.
The silver lining is that they will run tons of tests on me. More to make sure that my organs are healthy enough to tolerate treatment, and a much monitoring through out. I think they will see me more often then last time. They will watch me very close, so we will have a better picture of what is going on with me. What's the worse that can happen...it doesn't work again? The second best that can happen is I can help the future, by being a guinea pig. This stuff can't get approved without human patients. So if this gives me a chance to make a difference for someone else down the road- I am all for it. So I guess it is a good thing that I haven't gone out and spent a fortune on my hair!
So I will think on this for a couple more days, but I believe the answer is yes. Get past the New Year, and off we go again. I can do this, but yes it is getting scarier the longer this goes on. I thought it would go away, and I wouldn't have to worry about this again for years to come. My other experiences with Stage 4 cancer haven't been so hot. I know I am not those people, but then that makes it sound like I am something special. Cancer doesn't care who you are or how special you are. The people you choose to surround yourself with can sure make up for that though!
Charmine's Hope
Ok folks, so I decided that it was time to get to work on a bucket list. I know the name is really bothering some of my loved ones, and my apologies- I'm not changing it. I don't look at it like I am dying, just some stuff I want to make sure to do before that time comes. It is my list after all, so I should call it what I like.
So I got a dog. Not just any dog, but a dog that I have always wanted- a pit bull. I fell in love with a couple of pit bulls when I was 21. I have always wanted one since. Any pittie I have ever met has been so very sweet. The time was just never right- too busy riding harleys, and not ready for the extra responsibility. Well I met a pouty lipped pittie in Butte a few weeks ago. It's owner reminded me what good therapy dogs were, and then I couldn't get it out of my head. I started searching the net for a rescue dog as soon as I got home. All I knew was I wanted a female with pouty lips, that was old enough to know better, gets along good with other animals, and preferably purebred.
About the 4rd day I started getting serious. I found a female in a southern ID shelter. Her ad was basic- 3-5 year old female, American Staffordshire Terrier mix- scheduled to be euthenized on11/6. I emailed them, and went to bed. First thing in the morning, I am back on my search...forgetting about this good looking girl. I was talking to a lady up north, who had a black mix puppy, but I really didn't want a puppy. Hubby reminded me about the girl in southern ID. I called the shelter, and talked to a man who said she was still alive. I reassured me that she was great with cats, dogs and people, but she would be put down on Sunday. This was Thursday. I felt a little nervous, as it felt like he was blowing smoke to get me to come get her. I couldn't understand why they were going to put her down if she was so great. But I couldn't leave her there to die either. So I had my friend call back down there. He talked to a woman, and she gave the same story. She just said that she was an owner drop off, and didn't know why...owner just didn't want her anymore.
HMMM, still nervous- but she sounded perfect. We decided I would just get in the truck and drive. The shelter would be closed by the time that I got there. They gave me the animal control officer's cell number, and he would let me into the shelter. So into the truck I went, and I drove 6.5 hours to ID to go get her. We figured if she really wasn't working out- that we would find her a better home. The important part was getting her off death row. I got there a just after 7 pm. Sure enough, the officer and his wife came down to meet me.
So we go back in the kennels, and everybody is barking...except for the little black girl who's cage we found. Her bowl was empty, and she was more interested in eating the boxer's food in the cage next door. She finally got interested in me, but was quiet while everybody else was barking away. She started pulling as soon as she was out and on her leash. She had to check out the little rat dog in the carrier cage. I decided on her name while I was waiting for the lady to find a leash. I was hooked already, and I decided right then and there that she was staying with me. I figure she's got a good 12 years left, and I will do the best I can to take care of her. So the deal is this- her name is Hope, and I'm going to out live her! I was also interested in learning about therapy dogs. The lady asked me if she had a name, and I said Hope unless she already had one. Then I explained to her why she was my bucket list dog. By the time I got back inside to sign papers, her husband asked me if she was a bucket list dog. When I said yes, he handed me her papers, her care package...and my $60 adoption fee back. I said my thank yous and boogied out of there before the waterworks started.
It was a long drive home, but I had my Hope for company! I think it dropped down to 4 degrees at the top of Monida Pass at about 11:30. I stayed awake without any late evening energy drinks. Just meant I got to get to know Hope every time we stopped for pee breaks and walked. Boy she is strong! I am so very happy with her size...any more might be too much work when I am down for the count from chemo. She did pretty good in the truck, though she didn't want to load up on her own. I imagine the last time she got in a rig, she went to the pound. She paced a little bit between the seats, but not bad. She even drug her treat bag up on the seat. I didn't even know she knew it was there. We made it home at about 2:45 am. I jumped in bed asap, and 2 seconds later- she was on her back, with her head on the pillow like she belonged there. I don't believe beds and couches are new to this one...she got up there like a pro. I had truely forgotten what couch hogs, and awesome snugglers that they are. Just exactly what the doctor would order, I am sure! I am hooked on my new girl, she is just perfect...Charmine's Hope
About the 4rd day I started getting serious. I found a female in a southern ID shelter. Her ad was basic- 3-5 year old female, American Staffordshire Terrier mix- scheduled to be euthenized on11/6. I emailed them, and went to bed. First thing in the morning, I am back on my search...forgetting about this good looking girl. I was talking to a lady up north, who had a black mix puppy, but I really didn't want a puppy. Hubby reminded me about the girl in southern ID. I called the shelter, and talked to a man who said she was still alive. I reassured me that she was great with cats, dogs and people, but she would be put down on Sunday. This was Thursday. I felt a little nervous, as it felt like he was blowing smoke to get me to come get her. I couldn't understand why they were going to put her down if she was so great. But I couldn't leave her there to die either. So I had my friend call back down there. He talked to a woman, and she gave the same story. She just said that she was an owner drop off, and didn't know why...owner just didn't want her anymore.
HMMM, still nervous- but she sounded perfect. We decided I would just get in the truck and drive. The shelter would be closed by the time that I got there. They gave me the animal control officer's cell number, and he would let me into the shelter. So into the truck I went, and I drove 6.5 hours to ID to go get her. We figured if she really wasn't working out- that we would find her a better home. The important part was getting her off death row. I got there a just after 7 pm. Sure enough, the officer and his wife came down to meet me.
So we go back in the kennels, and everybody is barking...except for the little black girl who's cage we found. Her bowl was empty, and she was more interested in eating the boxer's food in the cage next door. She finally got interested in me, but was quiet while everybody else was barking away. She started pulling as soon as she was out and on her leash. She had to check out the little rat dog in the carrier cage. I decided on her name while I was waiting for the lady to find a leash. I was hooked already, and I decided right then and there that she was staying with me. I figure she's got a good 12 years left, and I will do the best I can to take care of her. So the deal is this- her name is Hope, and I'm going to out live her! I was also interested in learning about therapy dogs. The lady asked me if she had a name, and I said Hope unless she already had one. Then I explained to her why she was my bucket list dog. By the time I got back inside to sign papers, her husband asked me if she was a bucket list dog. When I said yes, he handed me her papers, her care package...and my $60 adoption fee back. I said my thank yous and boogied out of there before the waterworks started.
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